Viola Joke-of-the-Day

[violachic]

Q: What's the definiton of "perfect pitch?"

A: Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.

Q: Why do violists stand for long periods outside people's houses?
A: They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.

Q: What's the difference between a seamstress and a violist?
A: The seamstress tucks up the frills.

Q: What's the difference between a washing machine and a violist?
A: Vibrato.

Q: Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola?
A: It saves time.

Comments

[rollick.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

[violachic.livejournal.com]

*grin*

[bloodredrosev.livejournal.com]

I was a drummer in my high school marching band for years ... it's not the same thing, of course, but seeing these jokes reminds me of the time when I was a band geek...

[violachic.livejournal.com]

heh........ there are lots of drummer jokes........

[pinkfluffyjumpr.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAH!
ok... those are really good ones!
! heheh

[prrrn.livejournal.com]

hehe *smiles* Are violas that bad?!

[violachic.livejournal.com]

Sometimes...... but mostly young, amateur violists, so no more than any other young, amateur musician playing other instruments. Its basically our eccentric personalities that seem to perpetuate the viola joke lineage, for several reasons.

[ojdorson.livejournal.com]

That third one is a little dirty!

[violachic.livejournal.com]

Shall I bleach it? Or just some oxy-clean?

[name-omitted.livejournal.com]

It was my pleasure to sit in on a rehearsal recently. There was the some harmless bantering back and forth between principals, nothing major, until the First Chair Violist decked the timpani player. The concert mistress descended on the couple like a valkarie, demanding to know what it was all about.

"it is simple," the Violist said, "He turned one of my tuning pegs, and won't tell me which one."

[violachic.livejournal.com]

I've heard that joke, but I have to say, I've never heard it told with quite such class before :)

[name-omitted.livejournal.com]

Ok, my favorite joke told to me by a Violist, in his words.


I was doing a concert in upstate New York, when I was put up in this nice lodge. It was a beautiful place, with a large stone fireplace against one wall, with a roaring fire lighting a edwardian common room, with thick carpeting, fine tables and chairs to match. The manager apologized, saying that there was a chess tournament in town, and he was afraid that many of the people in the lodge were a part. I figured there were worse tournaments to share a hotel with, so had no problems, especially when I was told that I could practice until 10:00. With visions of Britten in my head, I retired to my room, and practiced for the next days concert.

In the common room, the quiet chess players proved they were anything but. It got rowdy, and loud. I heard the sound of solid chess pieces flying around, with epitaphs following them, such as "You won't catch me in a forward Gambit tomorrow," and "I am too good to be pulled into such a trap." It was horrible, horrible.

I called the night manager, who said there was really nothing he could do. After a fashion, he finally got them calmed down around 3 with the gentle threat that I would hide my metronome somewhere in the chess tournament room if they didn't all quiet down. Finally, I got some sleep.

I appeared bleary eyed for my concert the next day, and of course I pulled it off, but I must say, there is nothing worse than chess nuts boasting by an open fire.

[violachic.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've ever heard that from a violist's perspective before..... but it is a great joke.

[name-omitted.livejournal.com]

Hell, what does it take... Something you haven't heard...

I will shift from music to agrarian.

Two cows were sitting on a grassy hilltop. One asks the other "What do you think of this 'mad cow disease?'"

"What do I care? I'm a helicopter!"

or perhaps navel?

There was an old salt who walked into a bar with a piece of a ship's wheel sticking out of his pants. The barkeep turns to him and says "Mate, there seems to be a bit of something in your pants"

"Arr, and it's driving me nuts..."

or religious?

You heard, of course, about the Bhuddist monk who declined novocane? He wanted to transcend dental medication...

[violachic.livejournal.com]

lololol I can quite fairly say I've never heard any of those before. I'm not quite sure I get the first one, I'll have to admit.... but maybe its just cos its early? Thanks for the jokes :) The chess one I'd heard because I used to date a chess enthusiast.

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

[tee-hee]

Brings back memories of high school orchestra, where the conductor amused himself by inflicting bad jokes about music during rehearsals.

Example:
Where do bees live?
In a bee flat.

[name-omitted.livejournal.com]

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.


What do you get when you cross a concertmaster with a ships master?

An anthem invoking the sea to step down to be flat


and a concertmaster guidance counselor?

The invocation to be natural.

[violachic.livejournal.com]

What do you get when you drop a piano on a military base?


A flat major

[name-omitted.livejournal.com]

oy... you win.

A serious Viola question

[name-omitted.livejournal.com]

How is a viola tuned viss ve a violin? Specifically, how well does the viola play in the "people's key" of G?

Re: A serious Viola question

[violachic.livejournal.com]

They're tuned very similarly- a violin is tuned in 5ths, with the strings (from highest to lowest) being E, A, D, G- the bottom G being the G right below middle C. The viola is tuned exactly one-fifth lower, with its strings being A, D, G, C- the bottom C being one octave below middle C. The key of G is a very simple key for the viola, so it plays quite well in that key. In fact, most moderately competent violists can play pretty well up to four sharps and four flats. After that it can get a little hairly.

Re: A serious Viola question

[name-omitted.livejournal.com]

Thanks

Re: A serious Viola question

[violachic.livejournal.com]

Hey- I gotta be good for something, right? :-D

[neyrox.livejournal.com]

i remember band camp. i played saxaphone. where was willow then?

no, that's not a hiku