Fatphobia

[violachic]

I'm sorry, but guys, instead of saying crap like "I like a woman who takes care of her body", why can't you just be honest and straightforward and say "no fat chicks"? I mean, come on already. By using stupid euphemisms, you end up annoying me on two levels: first, the one where I think you're an idiot for assuming you can't be attracted to fat chicks, and second, the one where you insult my and everyone else's intelligence by thinking you can get away with masking what you're really trying to say with a supposedly-benign turn of phrase. I'm getting really tired of people- especially men- trying to tell me that I don't take care of myself just because I wear a larger size clothing than other women.



Fatphobia: unbelieveably enough, still a socially accepted predjudice.



So just in case you aren't aware, I'll make an announcement: I'm a fat chick- actually, I'm a Fat Chick- and I'm damn sexy.

Comments

[vaxwell.livejournal.com]

Bob and I agree... :)

[violachic.livejournal.com]

that I'm sexy....? ;-)

[vaxwell.livejournal.com]

Of course... I'd shag you :D

[stannate.livejournal.com]

I'm a Fat Chick- and I'm damn sexy.

Damn right you are.

[orpheus42.livejournal.com]

For me, "taking care of her body" would mean something entirely different. Scrawny girls don't do it for me. ;-)

*lots of love*

[innocent-irony.livejournal.com]

seconded

[violachic.livejournal.com]

*shrug* I'm clean. I wear clean clothes (heh, mostly that fit me, and are even cute. I wash and brush my hair, and brush my teeth. I don't put chemicals or crap like HFCS in my body; I eat fruits and vegetables. As far as I'm concerned, that's "taking care" of your body.

[orpheus42.livejournal.com]

Works for me. Not, honestly, that you should be worried about your personal care of body working for me, since you should let it work for you. But the key to my comment was the bit about *lots of love*.

:-)

[violachic.livejournal.com]

I know :-) Sorry, the tone on that reply came out kind of wrong- I was confirming your statement, not defending myself to it :-)

Thanks :-)

[orpheus42.livejournal.com]

It's ok, I figured. Things don't always come out right in person when we have facial expressions, gestures, and vocal inflections to help convey meaning - let alone in the disbodied world of internet textual communications. ;-)

[innocent-irony.livejournal.com]

Hm.

When I hear the words " take care of her body" i actually don't think of weight as a main factor (although granted a side factor). I think of things like..cleanliness, not smelling, hair washing, nail trimming, that kinda stuff. I suppose you could tack on leg/pit-shaving, perfume wearing, makeup adorning, and so on

[ironheadjane.livejournal.com]

I don't care what you are, so long as I get my "alone time." ;)

[violachic.livejournal.com]

you tease

[splagxna.livejournal.com]

go you. this is something i have been thinking about a lot lately, prompted by some good stuff on shapely_prose. being healthy is important. being thin, much less so (or so i'm trying to convince myself). and i should not have to justify my lifestyle, be afraid to go to the doctor, etc. it's unacceptable that it's still ok to discriminate against us.

[violachic.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I've added that feed to my f-list. It looks really interesting. Yeah, I don't understand why other people feel its okay to decide how healthy someone is or isn't by what size they are. There are tons of really unhealthy skinny people that nobody judges for it, because they're, well, skinny; why should they judge us for that? Its nobody's business but our own.

[andromeda77.livejournal.com]

I have a friend who has recently lost 75+ pounds and is still quite large. She goes to the gym every day, tries to eat well, dress well, shower daily. I would say she takes care of her body. For a long time she didn't, but now she does, and it will still be a long time before she's considered "skinny" or even "average".

[violachic.livejournal.com]

Its true that some people are very large because they haven't taken care of themselves. Its also true that some people are large anyway. Sounds like your friend is taking good care of herself, and probably qualifies as a Sexy Fat Chick- or will if she gains confidence in herself.

[themiddlestates.livejournal.com]

Bob Dylan seems captivated by the large woman's behind in the picture I just posted. :) (here's the link)

being fat and sexy is all about confidence, though. you have it, and it's awesome. there's a guy in our linux user group who has it, too. some people just seem to be unhappy about the skin they're in. i have a gay friend who thinks that if he has big muscles, that the guys he dates won't leave him. another thinks that guys won't like him unless he's super skinny. :( boo on that.

i'm glad you're happy with your body, violachic. it shows!

[violachic.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've heard appearances can be rough for gay men. I totally relate. Plus, we've got to stand up to the men who do believe that its okay to leave their partner if their partner's muscles aren't big enough or aren't skinny. Its very true that they're the ones who lose out the most.

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

I always think it's interesting that the people who have the most body image issues tend to be the ones who are trying to attract the attentions of men. You're right in that confidence is everything.

Oh, and don't forget those people who want "height and weight proprotionate" people only. (My eye-rolling muscles are sure getting a good workout tonight.) If my height and weight were disproportionate, it'd be because I'd be wearing a monkey suit or standing on the moon!

You go, V!

[belmikey.livejournal.com]

I'm a Fat Chick- and I'm damn sexy.

Yes :-D

[ratio.livejournal.com]

Language is a bitch. Also, guys suck.
Fatphobia is a completely accepted prejudice, and that will never change. I'd like to say it will change, just like I'd like to say the world will become a more nutritious place. Won't happen.
It's awful that there are some people who will not like you because of your body. The glass half full is that you're super pretty and charming. So at least in the end, you'll win most of the time.

[plethorax.livejournal.com]

Fatphobia is a completely accepted prejudice, and that will never change.

Defeatism makes me sad. Besides, what about the Inevitable Crash when none of us will have enough to eat and fat will, once again, be associated with extravagant riches? :) We can always look forward to that!

[evilbigbrother.livejournal.com]

I myself am not attracted to super skinny... I like curves.

[msphat.livejournal.com]

This seems like an excellent moment to pimp some of my fave communities:

fathletes
fatshionista
fat_theology

There are other great communities on LJ in this same vein. While it may be true that fat phobia is an accepted prejudice, and it might never completely go away, there are people who are dedicated to having nutrition talks without bringing dieting into it (one of the tenets of HAES - Health At Every Size), people who love their fat bodies, and people who believe that personhood and full humanity is not dependent upon achieving a particular weight, body, or clothing size. I happen to be one of those people.

[subdermalglow.livejournal.com]

Yes, you are. I am an internationally recognized fashion expert ;-) and I say it is so !!!!!!!!!!!!

Love you. Just incidentally.

[magp.livejournal.com]

It's a very bad misconception in this country that thin = good in bed.

[violachic.livejournal.com]

I think I'm damn good in bed :-D Not that you probably needed to know that, but....


(or at least I was before I got sick, I don't know anymore...)

[plethorax.livejournal.com]

WORD! (By which I mean that skinny is no predictor of sexual prowess) Also, fat chicks are better dancers. Better insulated joints = better flexibility (in general).

[a-nightengale.livejournal.com]

From one Fat Chick to another, if you haven't seen Joy Nash's rant on being fat, I highly recommend it:

[violachic.livejournal.com]

That is fucking brilliant! Thanks!

[ridemycamel.livejournal.com]

To be completely honest, I would never date someone heavy...it sounds awful, but I just am not attracted to the heavy (or skinny for that matter) type...I'm not ruling it out, and I never do, but I just am not, and the initial attraction is important to me.

I used to be heavy, so it's not like I don't know what that feels like. But frankly, even when I was heavy I'd never date someone else who was heavy.

I'm probably coming across as being really shallow, but it's how I feel.

[ridemycamel.livejournal.com]

God after reading all those comments I'm the only "jerk"...meh, its how I feel...and the same applies to skinny people as well.

Oh and it's cacomorphobia, not fatphobia ;)

[andelku.livejournal.com]

It's not as simple as you coming across as shallow. People are attracted to whom they are attracted to, and I can see you just want to be honest.

So let me be honest with you. I would never date you *because* you said you would never date someone who was heavy. I would have been turned off even back when I was a size 6. This is not saying you are a bad person. But it is a major turn off for a lot of women, some of whom fall into the size range that appeals to you.

This is for two reasons:

1) Most women who wear bigger than a size 2 think they are fat, even if they are not.

2) Even the skinny size 0 women are painfully self-conscious of their zits, bad hair days, or other perceived imperfections. (small breasts, mole on their stomach, bad breath)

3) Even that rare woman out there with a perfectly average figure who is completely comfortable with her appearance may be turned off by this statement because the implication is that they might be rejected for their appearance one day.

In other words, you are implying, maybe without intending to, that you might be the kind of guy who would leave her if she got cancer/had a disfiguring accident/had a thyroid condition that made her weight jump. (This woman might date you or sleep with you, but not consider you a long term prospect.)

The culture around women and appearance is so painful, so scrutinizing, that very, very few women out there are unscathed by it. So while this may in fact be your view of what is attractive, and you are not able to change it, I wouldn't advertise it in a dating situation, or in fact, a marriage, and certainly not, you know, if you have a daughter.

[ridemycamel.livejournal.com]

you're 100% right, I've never thought of it that way before. But i think i was thinking more about the initial attraction; if i was dating someone who gained weight, that wouldnt bother me.

[andelku.livejournal.com]

Well, I have a weird thing about British accents. I'm totally into guys with British accents. It's messed up, probably has something to do with my Dad's Cambridge accent, and its all very Oedipal and wrong but there you are ... They say that women sexually respond aurally the way men respond visually. I find many American accents grating and kind of a turn off. (Tragic because I live in the Midwest ... I went to London and it was candy! Every single guy there had a British Accent. My God! All of them! Girl porn at the Underground Information Kiosk! I offer this tidbit to all you men who wonder what Jude Law has that you don't. Where was I ... )

However, never say never. I mean I could say I can't date Americans, I'm moving to the UK I guess, but I'm limiting myself. You may have not been attracted to a heavy woman *yet*. It does not follow that it will never happen.

Besides, you may also be stuck moving to the UK, because 2/3 of Americans are overweight.

Also what women think is heavy and what you think is heavy and what the fashion industry think is heavy are three different things. I thought I was fat at size 6. I am a 14 now and convinced I'm monsterous. Which will and does make many women who are large than me CRAZY. OTOH, my size 4 sister is convinced she's fat too which makes *me* CRAZY.

A lot of those guys out there who put that "no fatties" thing out there don't realize that the girl thinking he means her may likely be my size 4 sister.

[sabotabby]

I hear ya. There are lots of fat people who take care of themselves way better than I do. There are lots of fat people who are better looking than me, or more confident with their appearances. Being attracted to a certain body type is—well, it happens—but it's irritating when someone is trying to justify it under the guise of health or self-respect.

And honestly, I doubt the men looking for "fit" women aren't necessarily regular gym-goers. And I wonder how much they "take care of themselves," giving the disregard many men pay to hygiene and regular check-ups at the doctor.

[igina.livejournal.com]

Yeah I hate the fat-phobia as well. I mean I walk more than the scrawny girl that lives next door, I eat veggies and hardly any meats. Yet to some, I'm not taking care of my body, because if I were I'd be a a friggin' tooth pick.

[(Anonymous)]

Would you feel the same way about a guy who says "I like curvy women", when that's the same thing as saying he doesn't like small-chested women? Or is it only the stuff that implies fatness that gets to you?

What about a man who says he prefers althetes? Is that fat-phobic?

[violachic.livejournal.com]

Why should anyone make a judgement on the appearance or worth of appearance of another person? Attractiveness shouldn't come from appearance, it should come from how two people connect. If the only chemistry you feel towards someone else comes from their body shape and size, then as far as I'm concerned, that's not chemistry. I've never understood people's need to categorize other's appearance and then rank the categories. But yes, I find men who fetishize larger women just a unsavory as men who fetishize skinny women.

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