(no subject)

[violachic]

Glossing over, for the moment, the incredibly classist implications of this article, there is something I just don't understand.

Two quotes (bold emphasis mine):

"It's not so fun anymore," says Duyn, 33. "I'm ready to be an adult now. I'm at the age where I should be taking care of a partner or a child, not some stranger I just met a few months ago."... "It's hard not to ask the question," says Duyn..."will I have roommates for the rest of my life?"

and

"There are certainly benefits to having roommates," says Joy Delp, 37, a New Yorker who has lived with roommates -- including friends, strangers, coworkers and an ex-boyfriend -- since graduating from college. "It's nice knowing you won't have to go home to an empty space. But at the same time, I find the prospect that I could be 40 and still living with roommates incredibly depressing. It feels like failure not to be in the kind of relationship that you can move forward and not to be able afford to live on my own."

As someone who purposely lives with "roommates", I don't understand the attitude that it is somehow less than "adult". Ever since I started living in IC, I've had people comment that it somehow isn't "mature", that it isn't taking enough responsibility, etc. Why can't it be just another lifestyle choice, instead of something we put a value judgment on? I can completely understand that if one's choice and goal is to live on their own, it can be frustrating to not be able to achieve that. But why does it have to be a "failure" to live with other people? If you are in the position where you have to live with roommates, why not make that relationship as intentional as possible? Even if it isn't a romantic/sexual relationship, it is very possible to have relationships that "move forward" (whatever that means to you). Living in IC has been simultaneously the hardest and most blessed thing I've ever done. I don't intend to end it just because its supposed to be less than "adult".

Comments

[spokenonlyonce.livejournal.com]

I think it's really interesting that the term "responsibility" is used so heavily. It makes me wonder if the people who are married with kids throwing that term around (e.g. "you should be responsible and start a family too!") are really viewing their family as primarily a responsibility... primarily a "duty" to society, their extended families, whatever. It's actually quite a sad way to view one's family, which could be life-giving, and a real source of delight. Of course, anyone we live with can be like that, especially if we're at all intentional about who we live with.

I dunno. Whenver people start talking about how THEY have "bucked up" and "done the right thing" so others "should" as well, I just immediately wonder if they're actually pretty bitter about having felt compelled to do something they didn't want to, and now everyone else should as well.

[violachic.livejournal.com]

Thank you for articulating something I could not.