General Amy Update

[violachic]

Random shit about me:

I've been referred to my ostiopath's favorite chiropractor. I'm supposed to see him three times a week for an entire month. I've been twice so far. No relief. More pain than usual. he claims this is a good sign. I'll give him another week and re-evaluate then.


Trying to be more upbeat and social. I probably did way more than I should have today, and now I'm awake because I'm in a lot of pain. Its hard to tell where to draw the line on what is "worth it". Today was worth it. Other days in the past week have not been. I don't know what tomorrow will be like.

Being off Cymbalta makes my brain work a lot better, but I may have to compensate by upping my neurontin doses for the pain. Also, at this point, can't blame cymbalta on the muscle twitches. Still getting those, as well as rabid, violent hiccups. Which I find really odd, but you know- it could just be me.



People keep telling me I'm getting better. I'm not sure if I believe them yet. We'll have to wait and see. It all depends on your definition of "better". My depression is "better" in that I am more "out". But I am also more openly whiney and bitter. I cry a lot. Which is worse?

Still having nightmares. Random. No visible connection to each other or my life.

Thank G-d for kitties ^00^ (that's a lame kitty, but its the best I can do at 2:43 a.m.)


I feel like a shit friend. Just so all you out there who are my friends know. I really want to be able to spend time with you and not talk about just me, but I don't know how to do that. I'm too focussed inward and I don't know how to make it stop. A couple that I've come to care about a great deal has announced that they're pregnant. My response has been mimimal and selfish. This is a fantastic thing, I'm excited- I'm excited for them, and I'm excited that I witness this little family form. But I can't do shit about it. And I hate that. And I hate that other friends have invited me camping, because I express interest in A) being their friend, and B) camping, and I couldn't do it. I can't get anywhere without begging a ride. At least I now have shoes that I can usually put on by myself.

My room is still a wreck. I don't imagine I can make it anything but. I'm so sick of begging people to- and my leg just twitched big time- help me out, do this, carry that, can you help me pack/unpack? can you wash this, oh and don't eat that food please, its mine because I can't cook, can you put my curtains up?


Someone tell me something.

And I hate that there are people who have "unfriended" me because I stopped talking about politics long enough to whine about myself. Unbelievable.

I didn't even intend for this entry to end up this way. I feel so fucking emo- but then I feel that I'm entitled. Then I feel ashamed that I'm whining so much.




IT SUCKS.

Comments

[kynn.livejournal.com]

Well, I for one am never planning to unfriend you, no matter how much you write about yourself.

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

Goddammit, stop apologizing and just get on with the whining! You're in constant pain, so you're allowed. Besides, it's your journal and you can write whatever the hell you want in it. Dammit.

You said to tell you something

[karenb2.livejournal.com]

Some things:

Cats as thermometers.

On Friday, I was at the Union to watch a local fan kick ass on Jeopardy! As I was leaving, a guy who was wearing a soccer jersey and talking into a cell phone asked me the name of the street we were on. I told him (Langdon) and asked if Italy had won; he said, yes, and told me the score, then turned back to his phone conversation.

Latest toddler information: Ghosts have four arms. Why? Because they have four hands. (Wouldn't do to have extra hands just lying about unattached now, would it.)

[tanyad.livejournal.com]

I second KarenB... STOP APOLOGIZING!

Damn, you've been through so much the last few months, I think your entitled to whinge, SHOUT IN ALL CAPS if you want. If it wouldn't hurt you, I'd shake some sense into you... just stop it, you are not being a shitty friend.

You're dealing with alot, you moved and that in and of itself is stressful without the addition of the pain, etc.

It's not like your asking for help for the sake of asking, you're asking because you need it, and people understand that. Gah! I'm not making any more sense... I'll clarify when I next see you.

Until then know I care ok?

[syphilis.livejournal.com]

Would you like me to spay/neuter the individuals who have unfriended you? I am always happy to do a good deed!

PS You will find your new roommate even more enthusiatic than I am to rectify wrongs!

[evilbigbrother.livejournal.com]

I to have no intent on picking you off my friends list. Also I feel that it is good therapy to get things out. To quote Shrek "Better out then in I always say." I hope things continue to get better.

((HUGS))

[sofvckinghot.livejournal.com]

And I hate that there are people who have "unfriended" me because I stopped talking about politics long enough to whine about myself.

Some people just don't understand the realities of REAL LIFE. Fvck them. It's your LJ and I'm grateful you give me what's really going on with you.

Bonnie

[sweetzicke.livejournal.com]

Please go ahead and whine all you like, you have my complete sympathy. Good luck with the the osteopathy/chiropractic treatments, worked for me.

[strawberry83.livejournal.com]

Whine away, it's your journal-I do my fair share of whining in mine, especially when I don't feel well.

Keep the faith that these treatments will work. Sometimes you have to have more pain to feel better (think of a good deep tissue massage-it hurts a lot but feels better later, or better yet labor, lots 'o pain but good end result). I know it's hard.
Good luck.

If you need anything you can always call/email.

P.S. You are not a shit friend, you are a sick friend. I'm not even ill in anyway (ok that is debateable :P) and I haven't seen people or even called some people in a while. No worries.

[mofus.livejournal.com]

I like hearing people whine, becasue it makes me feel better to know there are people out there worse off than me (ouch! just kidding :) ). Seriously, I like reading about whats going on with people, and as everyone here has pointed out, it is your journal to do with what you want. Keep it up, girlie.

[madresal.livejournal.com]

Aw, I love your journal. Sorry you feel like shit.

[kuroshii.livejournal.com]

personally, i would much rather read you talking about yourself than about politics! i dislike discussing politics, whether i agree with the other folks or not. so, nyah. ::shrug::

[spicek.livejournal.com]

The above is a perfect example of those who stick with you when you need them. Even if it is just to vent about the pain. Sometimes you find out who is who the hard way. I personally would liked to have thought everyone was that the way she and her male and lisatheriviter and a small pack others are.

A number of heartbreaks later, I've come to be suprised. Both by my experiences and those of others.

So, unfriends on livejournal? Small potatoes. One hug from subdermalglow or larry should be enough to get over that in a heartbeat. Think of what you value and then... appreciate it.

The apologizing thing is something I've been doing a lot lately too. A number of things contribute to that, we'll discuss that any time you like.

[marieoroumania.livejournal.com]

Fuck them! It's your journal!

Sorry you aren't feeling better yet. Chiropracters scare me.

[fiddleteacher.livejournal.com]

Write whatever you like - it helps you to write and us to understand, *and* you know we all care. Wish I was closer so I could help! Hope someone figures out what's happening and you get better.

[magp.livejournal.com]

I didn't even intend for this entry to end up this way. I feel so fucking emo- but then I feel that I'm entitled. Then I feel ashamed that I'm whining so much.

Know the feeling, all too well. This is often where I say to myself, "How DARE you be human!?"