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violachicGleefully stolen from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tidesong and shamelessly reposted, because its fucking hilarious (and because I get to use my animated viola icon, made for me specially by uber-talented dl76, because she loves me):
Math Test for Orchestra Members
1) Sally is tired of paying for clarinet reeds. If she adopts a policy of playing only on rejected reeds from her colleagues will she be able to retire on the money she has saved if she invests it in mutual bonds, yielding 8.7%, before she is fired from her job? If not, calculate the probability of her ever working in a professional symphony orchestra ever again.
2) Jethro has been playing the double bass in a symphony orchestra for twelve years, three months and seven days. Each day, his inclination to practice decreases by the equation: (Total days in the orchestra) x .000976. Assuming he stopped practicing altogether four years, six months and three days ago, how long will it be before he is completely unable to play the double bass?
3) Wilma plays in the second violin section, but specializes in making disparaging remarks about conductors and other musicians. The probability of her making a negative comment about any given musician is 4 chances in 7, and for conductors is 16 chances in 17. If there are 103 musicians in the orchestra and the orchestra sees 26 different conductors a year, how many negative comments does Wilma make in a two-year period? How does this change if five of the musicians are also conductors? What if six of the conductors are also musicians?
4) Horace is the General Manager of an important symphony orchestra. He tries to hear at least four concerts a year. Assuming that the orchestra plays a minimum of three pieces per concert, what are the chances that Horace can avoid hearing a single work by Mozart, Beethoven or Brahms in the next 10 years?
5) Betty plays in the viola section. Despite her best efforts she is unable to play with the rest of the orchestra and, on average, places .3528 seconds behind the rest of the viola section which is already .15485 seconds behind the rest of the orchestra. If the orchestra moves into a new concert hall with a reverberation time of 2.7 seconds, will she be able to continue playing this way undetected?
6) Ralph loves to drink coffee. Each week he drinks three more cups of coffee than Harold, who drinks exactly one-third the amount that the entire brass section consumes in beer. How much longer is Ralph going to live?
7) Rosemary is unable to play in keys with more than threee sharps or flats without making an inordinate number of mistakes. Because her colleagues in the cello section are also struggling in these passages, she has so far been able to escape detection. What is the total number of hours they would all have to practice to play the complete works of Richard Strauss?
tidesong and shamelessly reposted, because its fucking hilarious (and because I get to use my animated viola icon, made for me specially by uber-talented dl76, because she loves me):Math Test for Orchestra Members
1) Sally is tired of paying for clarinet reeds. If she adopts a policy of playing only on rejected reeds from her colleagues will she be able to retire on the money she has saved if she invests it in mutual bonds, yielding 8.7%, before she is fired from her job? If not, calculate the probability of her ever working in a professional symphony orchestra ever again.
2) Jethro has been playing the double bass in a symphony orchestra for twelve years, three months and seven days. Each day, his inclination to practice decreases by the equation: (Total days in the orchestra) x .000976. Assuming he stopped practicing altogether four years, six months and three days ago, how long will it be before he is completely unable to play the double bass?
3) Wilma plays in the second violin section, but specializes in making disparaging remarks about conductors and other musicians. The probability of her making a negative comment about any given musician is 4 chances in 7, and for conductors is 16 chances in 17. If there are 103 musicians in the orchestra and the orchestra sees 26 different conductors a year, how many negative comments does Wilma make in a two-year period? How does this change if five of the musicians are also conductors? What if six of the conductors are also musicians?
4) Horace is the General Manager of an important symphony orchestra. He tries to hear at least four concerts a year. Assuming that the orchestra plays a minimum of three pieces per concert, what are the chances that Horace can avoid hearing a single work by Mozart, Beethoven or Brahms in the next 10 years?
5) Betty plays in the viola section. Despite her best efforts she is unable to play with the rest of the orchestra and, on average, places .3528 seconds behind the rest of the viola section which is already .15485 seconds behind the rest of the orchestra. If the orchestra moves into a new concert hall with a reverberation time of 2.7 seconds, will she be able to continue playing this way undetected?
6) Ralph loves to drink coffee. Each week he drinks three more cups of coffee than Harold, who drinks exactly one-third the amount that the entire brass section consumes in beer. How much longer is Ralph going to live?
7) Rosemary is unable to play in keys with more than threee sharps or flats without making an inordinate number of mistakes. Because her colleagues in the cello section are also struggling in these passages, she has so far been able to escape detection. What is the total number of hours they would all have to practice to play the complete works of Richard Strauss?
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-13 07:32 pm (UTC)*thiefs*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 03:37 am (UTC)yeah
Date: 2006-04-14 12:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 03:49 am (UTC)Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 04:15 am (UTC)1) very low
2) longer than you'd think
3) enough to get her bowed in the head by her stand partner
4) I agree with you- nil
5) depends on the conductor's hearing aid
6) the instrument he plays will determine if he is impaled (strings) or suffocated (winds/brass) to death by his section leader for being way too perky in the morning from all that coffee
7) not long, because Richard Strauss eventually makes you go mad anyway
but those are all approximate
no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 05:11 pm (UTC)Question #8: Ponchielli's "Dance of the Hours" is on the program. What percentage of orchestra members will be visualizing dancing ostriches, and what percentage will be humming "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah?" How will this ratio change between the string and the brass sections?