(no subject)
Feb. 13th, 2006 05:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
violachicSo part of this whole kidnapping thing that has affected me is that I'm amazingly sensitive- some might even say oversensitive- to things that, before, would bother me, but now they're scraping me raw.
I mean, obviously my emotional state is a tad altered- dealing with trauma, even if its secondhand, can do that to you. Those who spend time with me and know me well I'm sure have already seen testament to that.
But for instance, panhandlers- I give some money when I have it, although I don't often have extra money to give out. Now, though, I either feel like I should give them my last dime, or I feel like screaming "Don't you know that I'm already trying to save the world?" Neither of which response is particularly healthy or mature. I spend more time worried about current events. News clutches at me- if I hear of an occurence somewhere, I immediately wonder if my friends and family who live or work nearby are okay.
And this afternoon, as I was exiting the parking garage from the post office, a song came on the radio. It had clearly been taped at a live performance. The opening riffs sounded all the world to me like U2's Mothers of the Disappeared. I immediately welled up with tears; this song has been moving to me since I heard it for the first time, and now seems so highly appropriate, for so many reasons. But it then went into something I didn't recognize, and the feeling abated. However, by the third or fourth line of the song it was clear that my emotions had not been spared one more roller coaster ride.
It was Peter Gabriel's Biko.
Oh yeah, I bawled all the way back to the office.
I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm not sure if I should do anything about it. But I'm noticing it, and its not going away.
I mean, obviously my emotional state is a tad altered- dealing with trauma, even if its secondhand, can do that to you. Those who spend time with me and know me well I'm sure have already seen testament to that.
But for instance, panhandlers- I give some money when I have it, although I don't often have extra money to give out. Now, though, I either feel like I should give them my last dime, or I feel like screaming "Don't you know that I'm already trying to save the world?" Neither of which response is particularly healthy or mature. I spend more time worried about current events. News clutches at me- if I hear of an occurence somewhere, I immediately wonder if my friends and family who live or work nearby are okay.
And this afternoon, as I was exiting the parking garage from the post office, a song came on the radio. It had clearly been taped at a live performance. The opening riffs sounded all the world to me like U2's Mothers of the Disappeared. I immediately welled up with tears; this song has been moving to me since I heard it for the first time, and now seems so highly appropriate, for so many reasons. But it then went into something I didn't recognize, and the feeling abated. However, by the third or fourth line of the song it was clear that my emotions had not been spared one more roller coaster ride.
It was Peter Gabriel's Biko.
Oh yeah, I bawled all the way back to the office.
I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm not sure if I should do anything about it. But I'm noticing it, and its not going away.
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no subject
Date: 2006-02-14 12:22 am (UTC)Isn't it weird the way we run into thiings like this periodically? A friend's mother just died in basically the same way that my Mom died. And I finished reading the Sandman series--the final volume of which is titled The Wake.
Don't sweat whether you give money to the panhandlers. It's not that big a deal, and you really ARE working to save the world.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-14 12:24 am (UTC)*continues praying for your friends*
no subject
Date: 2006-02-14 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-14 01:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-14 08:54 pm (UTC)With FURY. I can't STAND his music!!!!!!
Okay, I love you. Just a little mean-ass humah to lighten things....... Learned it from the best. Bourbon, anyone? That helps too.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 06:39 pm (UTC)Are you going overseas again?