(no subject)

[violachic]

Okay, enough of this trivial meme stuff.

Here's some content. I hope. It's probably wild and crazy, subject-hopping kind of content, but at least its an honest attempt at trying to convey what's going on.


First of all, if you somehow aren't aware of what's going on my life, you must first reference the website. I am not going to actually explain here, in this venue, for a vast variety of reasons, so if you need to know, click that link.

So yes, I'm tired. It all broke lose my last week on project, which was also a really rough week, in and of itself. Not much sleep was had. I got home, and immediately the next day came to the office and began wading through The Madness. In general, The Madness is simmering down a bit, but now we get to play two games that I abhor- The Waiting Game (as there is no further news out of Baghdad), and Catch-Up. We're desperately trying to put the office on a semblance of normal, every day activities, but it is difficult. We're all spending less time here than we were a week ago, and two weeks ago, but its still hard to stay away, and its hard to find the time to not be here.

But I haven't posted anything here, as I haven't had the time- or, truthfully- the emotional energy to say anything. If you know, you already know through the media, and you either care or don't care. If you don't know, I figured it was pretty safe to assume its something not generally on your radar, and you probably don't really need to know. But also, to be honest, I'm pretty terrified that I'm going to write something in public that could be picked up somehow by media, or a stupid-head, right-winged blog or something, and totally bastardized (because that's what Western media specializes in- no offense, marieoroumania, because I'm sure you actually have scruples), or- horrors of horrors- that I would say something that could jeopardize these people's lives somehow.

Okay, yes, I'm being vague. No, I don't want to friends-lock this, for a lot of reasons, but I'm trying to 1) not use any keywords that could result in a google search leading to this page, and 2) not make any statement that could be pulled out of context and used against anyone.

Am I paranoid? Maybe. I don't really care at this point.

So I'm struggling with a lot right now. We all are here, in the office, within our extended organizational family, within our support networks. Its a scary place that we all knew there was a possibility of, but one you can never fully prepare yourself for.

First of all, a huge thank you to all of you who have already given such beautiful words and gestures of support.

Thank you to those in my greater LJ-Land-Friends-Network who are also dealing directly with this crisis, for your solidarity.

Thank you to my loved ones who have been trying to contact me and been wanting to see me since I got back, but I haven't had a chance to talk to or see. Thank you for your patience and understanding, and for expressing to me you care.

Thank you to those of you who I know disagree with my political views, for respecting my grief by not expressing criticism at this time. I don't think I could take it right now.

And thank you most of all to my sister pheret1 for bringing us lunch at the office, for saying soothing things to me when I need them, for being cranky with me when I need that (and laughing at both of us for doing it), for being a general Ace News Hound, and for just being you.



I'm not really in a Christmas spirit at all. In fact, I'm maintaining a frightening level of emotional detachment right now (I think the two of those concepts can be summed up by the picture of me cheerfully giving a cabbie the finger as I listen to bad Christmas music on the radio in the car). I'm trying to go through the motions of it, and they mostly work while I'm in the moment. Also, it feels like a good sense of reliability right now.


I am, however, greatly heartened by the fact that I think a longtime friend who is very special to me might be moving back into my general sphere. That gives me hope for the rest of the world.

I think I've brought you as up to date as I can, for now. If anyone has any long, deep, burning questions about this, please email me rather than doing it on the LJ forum. In the meantime, please know that if I haven't called you back, emailed you back, or seen your gorgeous face in the last two and a half weeks, its not because you forgot to shower. Its just because I'm preoccupied like I never have been before.



Um. I think that's all for now.

'Kay. Bye.

Comments

[magp.livejournal.com]

I think it's admirable that you've put this much effort into the situation.

[violachic.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess I don't have a lot of options. This organization and the work it does, and working with it, are my life right now. Maybe it won't always be such a focus, but for now it is. Plus, two of those men are my friends; I can't NOT put the effort in, you know?

[sabotabby]

Okay, in the most vaguest possible terms, I'm hoping it all turns out okay and for happy reunions and such.

[violachic.livejournal.com]

You rock :-)

[surlytart.livejournal.com]

And don't forget thank YOU, for being there, for being here, for doing what you do.

You might look into counseling. Things started to get very rough for me after a few weeks back.

[violachic.livejournal.com]

I already have a therapist, and this was part of the reason why- kind of pre-emptive for doing field work and any other related miscellaneous crisis (under which heading I think this all falls...) that would come up. Yeah, I've seen how people can react, I figured I'd rather be prepared.

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's amazing. I never would have thought of that myself.

I'd be far more worried about you if you *were* able to get into the Xmas swing of things and be happy-go-lucky. Hang in there, you.

[xanandax.livejournal.com]

Y'all are in my prayers.

[madresal.livejournal.com]

You may feel like a mess, but when I saw you Tuesday I couldn't help but notice the glow around you...it may be hard but it really seems like you've hooked up with the right people/cause for you.

[stannate.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of you flipping off WLIT as it plays its awful Christmas songs for the 425494509th time.

[iniswitryn.livejournal.com]

I've been keeping the situation - and you - in my thoughts and prayers. The not knowing is unnerving even from a concerned observer's point of view - I ache to contemplate the grief and anxiety you're all living with.

All I can wish for you and yours this season is peace - peace of mind, peace of spirit, peace across boundaries, peace transcending ideology.

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

A related story topped the BBC Radio 3 news break at 7 a.m. on Saturday, 24 Dec. (I'm listening live on the Web.) It's the first time I've seen/heard the story in such a prominent position.