Bittersweet

Tonight, after watching some Eddie Izzard, there were a couple people in our front room jamming on guitar and violin. It was so, so nice to have live music in the house. Good music, too. And I was reminded that I actually have a very nice guitar. My parents gave it to me for Christmas three or four years ago, and it was all I got from them- must have been fairly expensive.

Couldn't help but let my heart break a little, though, that I couldn't join in. I wanted so badly to get my viola out. Even if my back would allow it, my fingers are so swollen and stiff from medication that it would have been futile.

I miss it so much. I think I'm going to fall asleep listening to unaccompanied Bach on my iPod.

(no subject)

For the first time in my life, I feel I'm living a spectral existence.

For the first time in my life, I am actively relying on other people for my happiness.


Neither should be.