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General Amy Update
Jul. 2nd, 2006 02:36 amRandom shit about me:
I've been referred to my ostiopath's favorite chiropractor. I'm supposed to see him three times a week for an entire month. I've been twice so far. No relief. More pain than usual. he claims this is a good sign. I'll give him another week and re-evaluate then.
Trying to be more upbeat and social. I probably did way more than I should have today, and now I'm awake because I'm in a lot of pain. Its hard to tell where to draw the line on what is "worth it". Today was worth it. Other days in the past week have not been. I don't know what tomorrow will be like.
Being off Cymbalta makes my brain work a lot better, but I may have to compensate by upping my neurontin doses for the pain. Also, at this point, can't blame cymbalta on the muscle twitches. Still getting those, as well as rabid, violent hiccups. Which I find really odd, but you know- it could just be me.
People keep telling me I'm getting better. I'm not sure if I believe them yet. We'll have to wait and see. It all depends on your definition of "better". My depression is "better" in that I am more "out". But I am also more openly whiney and bitter. I cry a lot. Which is worse?
Still having nightmares. Random. No visible connection to each other or my life.
Thank G-d for kitties ^00^ (that's a lame kitty, but its the best I can do at 2:43 a.m.)
I feel like a shit friend. Just so all you out there who are my friends know. I really want to be able to spend time with you and not talk about just me, but I don't know how to do that. I'm too focussed inward and I don't know how to make it stop. A couple that I've come to care about a great deal has announced that they're pregnant. My response has been mimimal and selfish. This is a fantastic thing, I'm excited- I'm excited for them, and I'm excited that I witness this little family form. But I can't do shit about it. And I hate that. And I hate that other friends have invited me camping, because I express interest in A) being their friend, and B) camping, and I couldn't do it. I can't get anywhere without begging a ride. At least I now have shoes that I can usually put on by myself.
My room is still a wreck. I don't imagine I can make it anything but. I'm so sick of begging people to- and my leg just twitched big time- help me out, do this, carry that, can you help me pack/unpack? can you wash this, oh and don't eat that food please, its mine because I can't cook, can you put my curtains up?
Someone tell me something.
And I hate that there are people who have "unfriended" me because I stopped talking about politics long enough to whine about myself. Unbelievable.
I didn't even intend for this entry to end up this way. I feel so fucking emo- but then I feel that I'm entitled. Then I feel ashamed that I'm whining so much.
IT SUCKS.
I've been referred to my ostiopath's favorite chiropractor. I'm supposed to see him three times a week for an entire month. I've been twice so far. No relief. More pain than usual. he claims this is a good sign. I'll give him another week and re-evaluate then.
Trying to be more upbeat and social. I probably did way more than I should have today, and now I'm awake because I'm in a lot of pain. Its hard to tell where to draw the line on what is "worth it". Today was worth it. Other days in the past week have not been. I don't know what tomorrow will be like.
Being off Cymbalta makes my brain work a lot better, but I may have to compensate by upping my neurontin doses for the pain. Also, at this point, can't blame cymbalta on the muscle twitches. Still getting those, as well as rabid, violent hiccups. Which I find really odd, but you know- it could just be me.
People keep telling me I'm getting better. I'm not sure if I believe them yet. We'll have to wait and see. It all depends on your definition of "better". My depression is "better" in that I am more "out". But I am also more openly whiney and bitter. I cry a lot. Which is worse?
Still having nightmares. Random. No visible connection to each other or my life.
Thank G-d for kitties ^00^ (that's a lame kitty, but its the best I can do at 2:43 a.m.)
I feel like a shit friend. Just so all you out there who are my friends know. I really want to be able to spend time with you and not talk about just me, but I don't know how to do that. I'm too focussed inward and I don't know how to make it stop. A couple that I've come to care about a great deal has announced that they're pregnant. My response has been mimimal and selfish. This is a fantastic thing, I'm excited- I'm excited for them, and I'm excited that I witness this little family form. But I can't do shit about it. And I hate that. And I hate that other friends have invited me camping, because I express interest in A) being their friend, and B) camping, and I couldn't do it. I can't get anywhere without begging a ride. At least I now have shoes that I can usually put on by myself.
My room is still a wreck. I don't imagine I can make it anything but. I'm so sick of begging people to- and my leg just twitched big time- help me out, do this, carry that, can you help me pack/unpack? can you wash this, oh and don't eat that food please, its mine because I can't cook, can you put my curtains up?
Someone tell me something.
And I hate that there are people who have "unfriended" me because I stopped talking about politics long enough to whine about myself. Unbelievable.
I didn't even intend for this entry to end up this way. I feel so fucking emo- but then I feel that I'm entitled. Then I feel ashamed that I'm whining so much.
IT SUCKS.
