(no subject)
Jul. 30th, 2006 12:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
violachicYou know, it used to be that one of my favorite little luxuries ever was that little while after I'd gone to bed but before I fell asleep. It was me-time without the interruptions (for a long time, the only me-time I really had was while riding a train or a bus between work and home and church- not really me-time), a time to unwind thoughts, daydream. And a time to get comfy in blankets and pillows. Escape time.
I really, really miss that.
Now, too often my body is exhausted and ready to lie down before my brain is ready to fall asleep. During that time, it is impossible to relax or daydream. Its only possible to try to quietly listen to my body and where it hurts, impossible to ignore the buzzing in my brain. I can't just curl up in comfy positions; instead, I need to arrange pillows under knees and against my ribcage, and under my elbows so I don't wake up with my arms asleep. For a long time, I couldn't sleep more than four or five hours at a time without getting woken up by pain, although cumulatively I could sleep up to fourteen or sixteen hours a day.
Things changed, and slightly improved, when a couple months ago one of my doctors put my on a sleeping pill. Immediately it helped me sleep seven to eight hours at a pop. But the biggest drawback to that was that sleeping that long often meant my body was overdue for a pain pill by the time I woke up, so then I'd have to take that, and lie n bed for another hour or so while it took effect, and I garnered motivation to get up. And certainly, while I bitch and moan about the effects Neurontin has on my brain functions, anybody who has spent time with me for the duration can probably attest that I'm actually far more coherent than I was two months ago. My overall pain level dropped just the slightest, but noticeably enough that I was thankful; I had been informed by the doctors that lack of proper sleep greatly decreases pain tolerance, and I suppose this was the effect we were looking for. Now, to say that, I can't honestly say that I feel pain relief from this. Its hard to explain.
Its interesting, the effect of a sleeping pill. You can take it about an hour before you want to go to sleep, and you'll feel normal- whatever normal is in your world- until all of a sudden you get supremely drowsy, which is a sign you should lie down and prepare to sleep. Then, you get hit over the head with an enormous boulder. Next thing you know, you've slept. I've tried using that drowsy, pre-boulder time the same way I used to use the in-bed-falling-asleep time, but its just not the same. I'm still thinking about my body. There's no way I can't not think about it. Plus, even the nights I can get some good thoughts dregged up, I've been hit with the boulder before I can do anything useful with them. Oh, and curling up in cozy positions with blankets and pillows? Still not an option.
Its kind of weird how sometimes I miss those little luxuries more than I miss the big things, like going to work, traveling, socializing with friends. What I would give for just one night the way it used to be.
Now if you'll excuse me, I feel an impending boulder over my head.
I really, really miss that.
Now, too often my body is exhausted and ready to lie down before my brain is ready to fall asleep. During that time, it is impossible to relax or daydream. Its only possible to try to quietly listen to my body and where it hurts, impossible to ignore the buzzing in my brain. I can't just curl up in comfy positions; instead, I need to arrange pillows under knees and against my ribcage, and under my elbows so I don't wake up with my arms asleep. For a long time, I couldn't sleep more than four or five hours at a time without getting woken up by pain, although cumulatively I could sleep up to fourteen or sixteen hours a day.
Things changed, and slightly improved, when a couple months ago one of my doctors put my on a sleeping pill. Immediately it helped me sleep seven to eight hours at a pop. But the biggest drawback to that was that sleeping that long often meant my body was overdue for a pain pill by the time I woke up, so then I'd have to take that, and lie n bed for another hour or so while it took effect, and I garnered motivation to get up. And certainly, while I bitch and moan about the effects Neurontin has on my brain functions, anybody who has spent time with me for the duration can probably attest that I'm actually far more coherent than I was two months ago. My overall pain level dropped just the slightest, but noticeably enough that I was thankful; I had been informed by the doctors that lack of proper sleep greatly decreases pain tolerance, and I suppose this was the effect we were looking for. Now, to say that, I can't honestly say that I feel pain relief from this. Its hard to explain.
Its interesting, the effect of a sleeping pill. You can take it about an hour before you want to go to sleep, and you'll feel normal- whatever normal is in your world- until all of a sudden you get supremely drowsy, which is a sign you should lie down and prepare to sleep. Then, you get hit over the head with an enormous boulder. Next thing you know, you've slept. I've tried using that drowsy, pre-boulder time the same way I used to use the in-bed-falling-asleep time, but its just not the same. I'm still thinking about my body. There's no way I can't not think about it. Plus, even the nights I can get some good thoughts dregged up, I've been hit with the boulder before I can do anything useful with them. Oh, and curling up in cozy positions with blankets and pillows? Still not an option.
Its kind of weird how sometimes I miss those little luxuries more than I miss the big things, like going to work, traveling, socializing with friends. What I would give for just one night the way it used to be.
Now if you'll excuse me, I feel an impending boulder over my head.
