(no subject)

bloodredrosev, I see your e.e. cummings, and raise you a Rilke


The Grown-Up


All this stood upon her and was the world
and stood upon her with all its fear and grace
as trees stand, growing straight up, imageless
yet wholly image, like the Ark of God,
and solemn, as if imposed upon a race.

As she endured it all: bore up under
the swift-as-flight, the fleeting, the far-gone,
the inconceivably vast, the still-to-learn,
serenely as a woman carrying water
moves with a full jug. Till in the midst of play,
transfiguring and preparing for the future,
the first white veil descended, gliding softly

over her opened face, almost opaque there,
never to be lifted off again, and somehow
giving to all her questions just one answer:
In you, who were a child once-in you.

~ Ranier Maria Rilke



Ed. note: This poem really resounds with me these days. Maybe someday I'll write an entry about why.

(no subject)

So thanks to a lovely new computer bag, I am now able to bring my laptop to work. Habibi is crazy about whatever it is adults are giving their attention to, so I can really only bring it out while he's sleeping, but that's cool.

But my big news is that I slipped on some ice on my way here, and fell. This is the second time- I also fell the evening I got my haircut, which is, I think three or four weeks ago now. The first time I twisted my ankle a little bit, and was extra sore the next day, but it was nothing serious. This time is a little worse, but so far I'm not sure how much.

I'm still sitting here listening to my body and wondering if I'm going to end up making a visit to the ER this evening. I seem to have wrenched both ankles and my right knee, and my back is definitely inflaming a bit, but quite frankly, I'm most worried about my left wrist, which is how I braced my fall. It hurts when I either try to close my fingers into a fist, and when I open them again- a kind of burning pain. That concerns me. I'll admit, though, that I'm vastly grateful that both times I fell sideways, on my left hip, instead of flat on my back, or on my right side. That would be Very Bad Indeed.

But I haven't had an ER trip in a year and a half, after four in the first five months. I really don't want to go back to that now. Keep your fingers crossed.

(no subject)

Here's the deal:



Ahn took me to the ER at St. Joseph's hospital. The pain in both my wrist and my back had spiked like crazy. My wrist- especially that soft part right under my thumb- and my hand were really swollen.

They ordered an x-ray for my wrist, and gave me a shot of Dilantin. I'm very high right now. The x-ray didn't show anything broken, but because of where the pain was presenting (the "snuff box") they said breaks don't always show up right away. You have to wait a few days to see if there is evidence of healing starting to see if that shows up on the x-ray. I have been trying to get in to see my pain doc anyway, so I will ask her if we can take care of it there instead of the clinic the hospital referred me to.

My back is a little better for the Dilantin, but not hugely. I am not going to work tomorrow. The discharge form does say to come back if there is no improvement, or things get worse, and now they know my history, and I feel better about talking to them about getting narcotics. At Rush, they were real assholes about it whenever I went in to the ER, practically accusing me of untoward activity. I did take home a scrip for muscle relaxants, to see if that helps without adding more narcotics, since the increase in nerve pain is at least in part due to inflamation of the illeocostal muscle, and all the muscles on the right side of my back are tight as fuck right now and super inflamed.

So I'm not horribly worried about my back, I think that will be okay in time, I just don't know how much time- hopefully a few days. But I'm concerned about my wrist, because even with the Dilantin my wrist is throbbing. I also have this huge ass splint on it that is driving me nuts. Its taking me forever to type this entry. Also, being that the chronic pain is focused on the right side of my body, and I rely on my left arm/hand to overcompensate, I really don't want to have anything fucked up with it.

But we'll see. The muscle relaxant plus the narcotics are kicking in and I'm about to pass out. More tomorrow.