(no subject)

Say a prayer for me today. Or light a candle, or just send good vibes. I have an appointment with new doctors today. I am really hoping they can give me some new perspectives, and some help. I really, really want to get into this program.

Thank you.

(no subject)

Okay, I'm home from the doctors. It was a hell of an ordeal, I'm exhausted! I feel pretty optomistic at this point. It doesn't seem like there was a question of qualifying for the chronic pain program or not- although I am one month shy of their cutoff. But I had a full physical checkup, and then an interview with a psychiatrist, which is part and parcel of being in the program. You are expected to have the physical stuff taken care of as well as the psychological stuff. Chronic pain can really wear on you, psychologically, and this program is totally holistic, looking at healing from every angle.

For now, the doctor has changed some of my medications around. I am finally being taken off of Neurontin, which has been fucking with my brain for months. I am being put on Lyrica. Which, interestingly enough, is the drug I begged my other doctors for for months and they told me that I had to stick with Neurontin, as it "has the least known side effects", which I find to be bullshit. My body is not usually subceptible to side effects of medications, and anyone who reads this journal is well aware that I've had the side effects from hell from this stuff. I was also put on Trazadone for a sleeping aid, and taken of Flurazepam. I have been put on an anti-depressant, which I think will help with a lot of mood issues, and quite possibly some of the fatigue. The doctor says she sees no need to take me off the hydrocodone for now, but as other medications take hold, and as we begin physical treatment, we will wean off of it. I also have a prescription for Prevacid, which is one of those acid reflux kind of meds, which will help with my upset stomach issues.

I feel a little daunted by the fact that I'm all of a sudden on more medication than I used to be, but I'm hoping its all medication that will just work, so there's no more playing around.

I also will be setting up physical therapy appointments soon. Then at some point, in the next month or two (assuming I am still in pain then) I'll most likely join one of their four-week, all-day programs, which seems to be kind of a combination of medical care, pysychological care- including group therapy type stuff- and occupational therapy. I think the occupational therapy may mostly take the form of "hey, we've got you out of the house all day every day for a month!", but we'll see.

I like the doctor. Instead of being treated by middle-aged men (apologies to any middle-aged men I might have on my friends list, I'm sure you're very nice people), my doctor is a woman right around my age, which makes it so much easier to relate, and causes a great deal less embarassment over anything personal. The psychiatrist who interviewed me is also a woman, and although she's older, she's quite easy to talk to.

Overall, I'm optimistic. Marta and I have agreed that we're going to try to avoid a "honeymoon stage" with these doctors, and just do what they say, trusting them but not assuming quite yet that this is the answer to our prayers. So far, though, I feel good. I already feel far more paid-attention-to and listened to and taken seriously than I ever did with the old doctors.

I have a follow-up in a couple weeks with the doctor, mostly as a check-in and to make sure the meds are all working right. By that time, hopefully I will have also recieved a letter from the center that outlines the treatment plan the doctor and the psychiatrist have outlined for me. I'm looking forward to that, to see what they think.

I feel a little bit of relief. Now I'm going to take a nap.

If any of my housemates are reading this, can you make sure to wake me up for dinner? I'd really like to not sleep through it. Feel free to come in and poke me. Just be careful where you're poking.