(no subject)

....wondering how this differs from Palestine, or even the CHA here in Chicago....

(no subject)

So work got to me this week. I don't mean like "the pressures of the office", or "my boss sucks" (we don't have "bosses" here, which rocks), or "I have too many projects and not enough time to do them" (although this is frequent, it is not a major stress). I mean, the nature of our work. For the first time in the year I've been here, all of a sudden it got to me.

When I started here I was fully aware of the nature of the work, of what CPT does and why. I was excited to help out. I'd been in the peace and social justice arena indirectly most of my life, and working directly in it for several years. I had known people who went overseas to conflict areas and done some really dangerous, daring things in the name of justice. I cried for days when Rachel Corrie was killed.

I didn't feel ignorant.

I don't know. Maybe its because I'm tired. I've also been feeling just slightly under the weather for a few days, so maybe I have a slight bug, and that's making me overemotional. Its hard to say if my mood is influencing my perspective, or vice versa.

But I feel as if in the last week, I've had a crash course in re-education of what The World is all about.

Three things have happened. The first, I think, probably set the stage for the other two feeling so... well, so close and so real.

Unfortunately, the story I was told isn't my story to re-tell in public, for confidentiality issues, and possibly security issues. I've shared it with a couple people who I knew would understand how I feel about it, and who I know I can trust. Suffice to say, I learned that day that the US government will, in fact, do exactly the completely unconscionable things we say they do in bad spy novels and action movies. I'm not a huge fan of Tom Clancy, and I certainly don't agree with his politics, but it isn't just chance that he was hauled in for questioning after the September 11th attacks. His novels aren't pure fiction; he knows how the Real World works. I know this sounds over-melodramatic, especially since I'm being purposefully vague and all, but that's just too bad. It was an edifying moment, that's for sure, espeically when I realized that people who I work with, and who I've come to love very much, were immediately involved.

Then a couple days ago, I got an interesting phone call at the office that about broke my heart. CPT has a project in Arizona, on the Mexican border. The website link I've provided can give you far more information on it than I can here, and if you read that (don't you dare make a comment on it unless you've actually read the link, too) I can spare this post a bit of length. In that project we work closely with an organization called No More Deaths. Anyway, so a woman called and said she got our info off the web after doing a search, that they had someone crossing the border who they haven't heard from in over a month, and did we have a list of people who have been confirmed dead in the desert after crossing? It was the nonchalont, matter-of-fact way of speaking, I think, that broke my heart, like its something she deals with every day, and just checking on this occasion. I wondered- but didn't ask- what the circumstances were behind the call. Was she calling on behalf of a friend? Is she involved in some kind of sanctuary project? Is it legit? I had told her that no, we don't have that info here at the office, but told her how to contact our Arizona team, and that maybe contacting NMD would help, as well. And I told her good luck. I felt silly saying that, as if she had just told me she was auditioning for the chorus of Cats, instead of trying to find out if her friend had died of dehydration in the Arizona desert, but I didn't know what else to say.

The third event was a comment made to me on Wednesday. C has been through town lately, spending time at the office and with the training group. He is a part of our Hebron team, and also did some time in Iraq. He is making plans to rejoin the Hebron team, and decided to have himself a going-away party last night. On Wednesday when he was insisting I attend, and I was telling him I wasn't sure if I could because I had a rehearsal, he tried cajoling and blackmailing and whining and begging. I wasn't conceding. Finally he cried out "but what if I die?", meaning, what if he dies when he's over there and I never get to see him again. I was all about to throw that back in his face and get all facetious on him when I realized he knows what he's talking about. He was friends with Rachel, and was with her when she died. I don't just mean on the sidelines; I mean, right next to her. Any pictures you see if her death in the media were taken by him. He could also have been rolled right over by the bulldozer, and somehow, miraculously, wasn't. He was twenty-one at the time. He knows. He knows the possibilities of the Real World.

I don't know. I'm sure this is a phase. Sometimes I feel as if doing this kind of work takes some kind of superhuman strength that nobody can really live up to. This is not to say that I'm giving up on it, or that I don't think it is worth it or anything. On the contrary- if we work this hard for it and the world is still in this condition, think what would happen if we quit working? Just some things to ruminate on. I guess it would be easier for me to deal with if I weren't already mad at God. I can be a prize-winning conflict avoider (hey, nice line of work for me, eh?), and that doesn't seem to stop with humans. Perhaps I should try to get back on speaking terms with the Great Divine Spirit, or whatever. We'll see.

Any thoughts?

(no subject)

You know, there's a bunch of people on my flist that I have never met to whom sometimes I wish I could say "YOU! To Chicago! Now! Pleeezzze?".




Which is silly.



But is extra silly considering I hardly see the people I do know and who are already in Chicago.....

(no subject)

I think it is interesting that this whole flap about the CNN dude who flipped out on national television is all over everything, but can't be found on any BBC-online headline lists.




I'm not actually entirely certain what my point is, but I'm sure its profound.

(no subject)

Last week sometime, rollick asked what the best thing is you've gotten from LiveJournal.


I answered "people", because that's true. While I've run into a few doozies, I've met some really fantastic people, some of whom I've gotten really close to.



But I'd have to say that, at least in my mind, a close second would be "the opportunity to reread the total crackhead entries I was making two or three years ago and wonder what exactly is wrong with myself".

(no subject)

I'm in a moooooooood.



Now I'm going to leave the office and go see a mooooooovie with the artist formerly known as _narcissis_.


And if you're wondering, yes, I actually did get work done today, between posts and comments.



But I think my Neopets are starving to death.