Six years of New Year's Eve

For some reason, I don't really remember any NYE events before 1997.  Except for the one year in high school, when I hung out with my best friend, Yvonne, and her mother said we could split a wine cooler at midnight as long as I had a note from my mother, and we ended up drinking, like, five each.  But the last six years have been quite memorable.

• 1997: THE epic NYE party.  In fact, some in attendance try to deny their part in things (*cough*sunday*cough*), but those of us who enjoy being pains in their asses (*looks innocent and whistles*) remind them on a regular basis.  All I have to say right now in reference to that evening is, 1)If you're going to pee off the roof at midnight, check the temperature first.  Its awfully easy to get frostbite; 2)Thank the good Lord above, below and all around us that there was a bathroom we could use on the other side of the apartment complex; and, 3) When Mike Greene finally gets ordained, I'm going to take communion in his church every Sunday.
• 1998: Slightly lower key, but this was known as the year I was in competition with rincewindrocks's little sister- who had just turned 16 at the time- for which one of us could hold our liquor better.  I think I won.  I also got to sleep in the brown, fuzzy chair, and Melanie woke up not able to figure out why she was wearing Christopher's clothing.  I have a photo from that evening that we were looking at just yesterday, and its weird how young and innocent we all look.
• 1999: Was dating Paul.  We went to Fitzgerald's Night Club, where I was introduced to a really cool band, Anna Fermin's Trigger Gospel.  I was just recovering from Walking Pneumonia, but we went anyway because our $110 tickets were non-refundable.  Paul got drunk for the first time in over 25 years, and we had to sit in the parking lot for two hours while he sobered up enough to drive home.  Not my most enjoyable evening, but memorable.
• 2000: Still dating Paul.  Went to Fitzgerald's again, although this time it was a Cajun band.  Had fun, but again, doesn't stick out in my mind as a super enjoyable evening.  Came down with bronchitis the next day.  Was one of two occasions in our two year relationship Paul bought me flowers. 
• 2001: Zookeepers, formerly Jukebox Saturday Night.  Evening was fun, and probably the most memorable event was Sunday talking in his sleep after we all crashed in our living room.  "What?  He works in plastics?"  We have much photoage from this evening.  We'll show it to you if you ask.  I promise.
• 2002: Back at Ben and Sunday's place.  Probably the most low-key event in years, but it was nice to spend time with good friends, especially since pinkfluffyjumpr was visiting from England at the time.  Most notable for the Uno tournament, where bethypooh95 kicked Josh's (AKA "Ashtray") ass.  Also notable in my book, because I actually got Josh to flirt back, after having a standing crush on him for about two years.
• 2003:  Much liquor and loving was passed around.  I learned how to play Settlers of Catan, but the game was cut short due to both aforementioned issues.  It was weird not being with my group of regular friends, but it turned out that pretty much all of us who did different things ended up being very happy with what we did, so how can you argue with that?  This particular evening of sheer debauchery was hosted by mattwolff and tanyad, and much thanks and love to both of them!  I did meet quite a few incredibly amazing people, and although I was one of the few that didn't get any action, it was by choice, so I'm purely contented.  I did, however, get an eerie tarot card reading from shadowsaviour, which I'm still mulling over.  I wish I had written down the cards and their positions, but I didn't think of it quite soon enough. ( LJ Party attendees )
    And then we were joined for brunch at the Deluxe Diner by tykers ,polyfrog, wandering_lion , angellam, and for about twelve glorious seconds, soulhakr.

   

  All in all, I think a very successful evening.  I wish I had more to say than just a laundry list, but I'm sure I will come up with something more profound later.  I had a really wonderful time, and I thank each and every one of those in attendance for making it such.

(no subject)

I don't really believe in New Year's Resolutions. It seems pretty pointless, making promises to yourself that you'll eventually break or compromise, and then feeling guilty for breaking or compromising. Its an evil little cycle, and I swear some people put themselves through it because they feel they have to- that, well, its what you do on New Year's, right?

Blah. To hell with that.

I'm also not going to recap my 2003. I mean, really- its all here on the computer anyway. One of the many joys of keeping a journal, whether public or private, is that its great documentation.

But I've got two categories of things I want to think about, and they're in no particular order, and they probably overlap in many places. Basically, I've got what I want out of my future, and what I've learned in the recent past. Its kind of a list, but kind of not, and its kind of stream-of-consciousness and kind of not.

Did you know that probably the top used New Year's Resolution is to lose weight/get into shape? I know that a lot of people would look at me and say to themselves, "that girl needs to make a resolution to lose weight". Sure, I'd like to lose weight. I guess I'd like to look better, but I'm not pandering to anyone else's view of me anymore. Mostly, I'd like to be healthier- I'd like to be able to swim and hike and play softball like I used to. I'd like to be able to wear certain clothes that I can't now. But the underlying issue isn't even that. Its the whole self-esteem thing. I'd like to feel better about myself, but I'd also like to learn to feel better about myself before I lose weight. I'd like to think that there are men out there who really and truly don't care about what size jeans a woman wears. Funny, so many women think I'm sexy and attractive and beautiful- maybe I should convert ;-). But really, its all about loving yourself, as incredibly corny as that sounds. I'll tell you this, though- the nastiest backhanded compliments you can ever give an overweight person are "But you'd be so pretty/handsome/sexy if you just lost x amount of weight!" and "But you have such a pretty face!".

On a related note, I'd like to continue to learn how to respect myself. Its been a tough year on that front, as I had made a lot of strides, and then kept encountering people who made it clear that I wasn't worthy of their respect. Respecting others and respecting yourself are two of the most important things you can learn in your life- along with learning how to see from another's point of view, but that is a separate issue entirely. In the same vein, I'd like to learn how to put up the boundaries of what kind of respect I deserve to ask of others, without becoming a cold-hearted bitch about it.

I learned that I abhor burning bridges- it makes me physically ill to think about it. But more importantly, I learned that just because a bridge has been burnt doesn't mean I was the one who set fire to it. In fact, in some cases, I fought the burning as hard as I could. I can't beat myself up if someone else is determined to sever a connection, whether consciously or through a set of thoughtless actions. I can simply mourn it, and hope they will eventually decide to rebuild that bridge. In most cases, if they want to come back, I'll take them back.

I learned that I have a great deal of really wonderful friends. I have also met new people, some of whom I am fairly certain will become wonderful friends, and some I very much hope become wonderful friends.

I learned that change is not only okay, but sometimes it is desperately necessary. And that change is never easy, and that even when its in your best interest, it can hurt like hell.

I learned that when I get sentimental, I tend to write like Robert Fulghum.

I want to fall in love. I mean, real love. More than Love At First Sight, more than being in love with the idea of someone, or being in love with being in love. I'd like to eventually find someone I love and respect enough, and who loves and respects me enough, to marry and have a life and maybe even a family with. This doesn't mean the next person I date needs to be the person I expect to fall in love with. This doesn't mean the next person I fall in love with needs to be the person I marry. It can all be separate, or it can all meld.

I want to save the world. But I also learned that saving the world isn't as easy as it appears, and sometimes you need someone to save you before you can save the world.

I really do want to do Brethren Volunteer Service (BVS). Whether in three weeks, six months, in two years, after I'm married with my family, or when I'm sixty-five. But I'm learning that if there's something holding me back, perhaps it isn't the right time. On this, I'm amazingly torn.

The tarot reading I got from shadowsaviour the other night was so dead on, I got goosebumps and almost cried. It is correct that I currently come from a place of sheer misery, and that drastic change is inevitable. But I'll also be the first person to cut in and say that, between very scary stretches of sheer misery, I've experienced amazing moments of great, great joy that I wouldn't trade for anything. It is also correct that I see myself on a particular path, and that I have a great deal of indecision about staying there, or crossing over, or what path I should be on, and influences from other directions on all those issues. I don't know if other people really see me as prosperous, but I do know that it is sometimes very hard for other people to have a true picture of someone else in their head.

I'd really like to find that one place that I totally and completely fit in. I'm still very unsure where my "niche" is, despite the amount of loving people surrounding me.

I learned that even though I've run the gamut this past year of being scared and depressed and fed up and angry and hurt, that I love life and I don't want to ever give that up.

I've learned that cars are overrated.

In the next year I want one of two things for myself- 1)to either be set in doing a year or two of volunteer service through BVS, or 2)to straighten things out so I can move into the city and get rid of a car. I'm not really sure how to go about either, so if you have any suggestions, I'm quite open.

I want to learn how to manage my finances and pay off my debt.

I want to learn how to trust people the way I used to trust people.

I want people to trust me.

I want the moon. But only so I can give it away to someone who wants it more.

(no subject)

Many thanks to those from my friends list who made a donation to help Etrigan! He comes home from the vet today, keep your fingers crossed.

Argh.....

I love my parents. Really, I do. Very much. But there is one area where they both frustrate me to my absolute limits.


Technology.


With my dad its the computer, and with my mom its her television set with its new cable box hook up.

In both cases, I tell them as much information as I have, which in both cases, isn't a whole lot, relatively speaking. I mean, come on- I'm a borderline luddite. And then when I get to the point where I'm answering "I don't know", or "You'll have to ask someone else who knows more about it", they get frustrated and start acting as if I really do have the information, I just don't want to give it to them.

Argh!

So later tonight or tomorrow, I guess I'm supposed to go over to my mother's and futz around with the TV and the cable box and switch this wire and put this cable here, etc...

I'll probably melt something or blow something up.

Argh!