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Nov. 11th, 2003 04:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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mightyafrodite, mostly because it made me laugh so hard that I actually feel a little better:
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterian: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
-or
Presbyterian: 51. 10 to sit on session and decide that there should be a committee, 7 to be on the committee, 1 to chair the committee, 1 to change the lightbulb, and 32 to arrange the potluck celebrating the new lightbulb
Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and to decide who brings the fried chicken and potato salad.
Episcopalian: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.
Mormon: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Church of the Brethren: Five. One to change the lighbulb, and four to double check that it is a fair-trade product, won't cause war, will feed the hungry, and won't cause the congregation to recite a creed.
Methodist: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely burned out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring the bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutheran (Missouri Synod): None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Lutheran (ELCA): Three. One to change the lighbulb, and two to bring the Jell-o salad and Tater Tot Hot Dish.
Church of Christ: They do not use light bulbs because there is no evidence of their use in the New Testament.
Unitarian: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your bulb for next Sunday's service, during which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Quaker: The whole Meeting, since the committee to change lightbulbs will invariably have those who cannot come to consensus about the economic, social, and environmental concerns involved in buying and changing a lightbulb, so the issue will come up in business meeting, whereupon due to long debate a special threshing session will be scheduled to get a sense of where the Meeting is in relation to the lightbulb; the entire process may very several years, whereupon the Meeting will be so used to the lack of lightbulb that even if they reach consensus about whether to buy a lightbulb, the debate about whether it is what the Meeting needs will have to be revived.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
mightyafrodite, mostly because it made me laugh so hard that I actually feel a little better:How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterian: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
-or
Presbyterian: 51. 10 to sit on session and decide that there should be a committee, 7 to be on the committee, 1 to chair the committee, 1 to change the lightbulb, and 32 to arrange the potluck celebrating the new lightbulb
Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and to decide who brings the fried chicken and potato salad.
Episcopalian: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.
Mormon: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Church of the Brethren: Five. One to change the lighbulb, and four to double check that it is a fair-trade product, won't cause war, will feed the hungry, and won't cause the congregation to recite a creed.
Methodist: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely burned out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring the bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutheran (Missouri Synod): None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Lutheran (ELCA): Three. One to change the lighbulb, and two to bring the Jell-o salad and Tater Tot Hot Dish.
Church of Christ: They do not use light bulbs because there is no evidence of their use in the New Testament.
Unitarian: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your bulb for next Sunday's service, during which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Quaker: The whole Meeting, since the committee to change lightbulbs will invariably have those who cannot come to consensus about the economic, social, and environmental concerns involved in buying and changing a lightbulb, so the issue will come up in business meeting, whereupon due to long debate a special threshing session will be scheduled to get a sense of where the Meeting is in relation to the lightbulb; the entire process may very several years, whereupon the Meeting will be so used to the lack of lightbulb that even if they reach consensus about whether to buy a lightbulb, the debate about whether it is what the Meeting needs will have to be revived.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
