Life's hard lessons
Oct. 30th, 2003 01:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
violachicSeveral weeks ago when we met for lunch (pepperoni pizza, yum!), I had a lovely conversation with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
off_coloratura that included the mention of the hazards of having been raised idealistic. I know that sounds horribly pessimistic, and I am quick to point out that the conversation included far more issues that had far more positive connotations. But that little snippet got me to thinking, which we all know can be dangerous to everyone's health and well-being. Heck, it might even be responsible for the hole in the ozone layer, who knows?
Being raised with a sense of I must help fix what I think is dreadfully wrong about the world in which I live is, I strongly believe, a very good thing. You learn to look at something, assess it, form a fact-based opinion about it, and-most importantly- act on it. But it also can be kind of frustrating sometimes. For example, my mother's thing has always been civil rights, so that was a huge issue in our house growing up. While I'm hardly claiming that any of us are perfect (hell no!), and I know I'm not entirely free of stereotypes myself (I'm always the first to admit when I'm being a hypocrite) it has never been even remotely a problem for my sister or I to think of being friends with, working with, dating, or marrying someone of another race/ethnic background. Yes, we were raised in an almost entirely lily-white suburb, of which we were acutely aware. But when its not an issue for you, it can come as a surprise to be in an environment where others make it an issue. Even when you subconsciously know that it exists, its maddening when its pulled out in the open. It can be pretty crushing the first time you consciously realize, hey, maybe just because I'm working for this, and so are so many millions of other people, it doesn't mean we're going to change it overnight. Here, I'm thinking specifically of the absolute chaos that ensued when my sister told, in passing, casual conversation, a co-worker that she was thinking of bringing a certain friend to the company Christmas party, a friend who just happened to be black.
I mean, civil rights and racism is just one example, but I think (hope?) you know what I mean.
But the hardest lesson- and I mean, the hardest lesson to understand, as well as the hardest lesson to deal with- I've learned over the past few years is this:
Just because someone is "liberal" doesn't mean they are open minded.
I put that in quotation marks, because I generally abhor using the labels "liberal" and "conservative" to define what I mean. Its too black and white, and there's so much gray area, even orange, teal and magenta area, where that is concerned.
I guess I like to think that we were raised to be open-minded. By that, I mean being able to at least see, if not understand or agree with, another's viewpoint (three levels there: seeing- knowing it exists; understanding- knowing the reasons behind its existence; agreeing- self-explanatory). Yes, I've settled on a lot of belief systems that are generally categorized as "liberal", but not because someone told me to, or because I was exposed to only those beliefs, or whatever, but because I've personally examined the evidence and landed here because that's what I think is right.
It irritates me sometimes when I realize that someone has based their belief system- no matter what the belief system, or whether or not I agree with it- on something simply because they were told to. But I'm digressing a bit here, so I'll try to get back on track.
So that was just kind of the preamble to the rant. Here is the rant itself. Its been brewing for several weeks now, but after reading something thatjadedgyrl23 posted that was written by a friend of hers, it is kind of spilling over. Not that the two things are really related, but... well, in my mind there's a connection. You know, the whole Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon thing. Trust me- to me, its related. Anyway...
I've met more and more "liberals" as I go through life, but I'm still encountering the same stupid things. I still feel under such pressure to be a "perfect" person. I know that my own feelings are my own problem, but when I look around and examine the evidence, I seem to come up with the same sum: If I'm around "weird" people, I feel like I'm not accepted because I'm not "weird" enough; when I'm around "beautiful" people, I'm certainly not "beautiful" enough; when I work with people through the anti-war community, as soon as someone learns I'm a Christian, they think I'm too "conservative"; I'm an extremely shy person, and when I stumble over a greeting, I'm passed off as "stupid" or "uneducated", and hey, that's the end of that conversation.
Basically, assumptions are made. Maybe I shouldn't confuse "liberal" with "open-minded", and that's my mistake. But I guess I am of the opinion that, if you are in an arena where you advocate education and knowing your facts, perhaps the odds of making assumptions should be lower.
/rant
I know this is a very self-righteous rant, and perhaps I'm misreading things. Oh yeah- and just because this is how I feel doesn't mean I'm under the impression that this is necessarily how things are. But its really how I feel. At least right now. Maybe I'll feel differently later. I'm not sure I articulated my rant as well as I'd like, so I'll probably come back and edit it later. But for now, I'm done.
off_coloratura that included the mention of the hazards of having been raised idealistic. I know that sounds horribly pessimistic, and I am quick to point out that the conversation included far more issues that had far more positive connotations. But that little snippet got me to thinking, which we all know can be dangerous to everyone's health and well-being. Heck, it might even be responsible for the hole in the ozone layer, who knows?Being raised with a sense of I must help fix what I think is dreadfully wrong about the world in which I live is, I strongly believe, a very good thing. You learn to look at something, assess it, form a fact-based opinion about it, and-most importantly- act on it. But it also can be kind of frustrating sometimes. For example, my mother's thing has always been civil rights, so that was a huge issue in our house growing up. While I'm hardly claiming that any of us are perfect (hell no!), and I know I'm not entirely free of stereotypes myself (I'm always the first to admit when I'm being a hypocrite) it has never been even remotely a problem for my sister or I to think of being friends with, working with, dating, or marrying someone of another race/ethnic background. Yes, we were raised in an almost entirely lily-white suburb, of which we were acutely aware. But when its not an issue for you, it can come as a surprise to be in an environment where others make it an issue. Even when you subconsciously know that it exists, its maddening when its pulled out in the open. It can be pretty crushing the first time you consciously realize, hey, maybe just because I'm working for this, and so are so many millions of other people, it doesn't mean we're going to change it overnight. Here, I'm thinking specifically of the absolute chaos that ensued when my sister told, in passing, casual conversation, a co-worker that she was thinking of bringing a certain friend to the company Christmas party, a friend who just happened to be black.
I mean, civil rights and racism is just one example, but I think (hope?) you know what I mean.
But the hardest lesson- and I mean, the hardest lesson to understand, as well as the hardest lesson to deal with- I've learned over the past few years is this:
Just because someone is "liberal" doesn't mean they are open minded.
I put that in quotation marks, because I generally abhor using the labels "liberal" and "conservative" to define what I mean. Its too black and white, and there's so much gray area, even orange, teal and magenta area, where that is concerned.
I guess I like to think that we were raised to be open-minded. By that, I mean being able to at least see, if not understand or agree with, another's viewpoint (three levels there: seeing- knowing it exists; understanding- knowing the reasons behind its existence; agreeing- self-explanatory). Yes, I've settled on a lot of belief systems that are generally categorized as "liberal", but not because someone told me to, or because I was exposed to only those beliefs, or whatever, but because I've personally examined the evidence and landed here because that's what I think is right.
It irritates me sometimes when I realize that someone has based their belief system- no matter what the belief system, or whether or not I agree with it- on something simply because they were told to. But I'm digressing a bit here, so I'll try to get back on track.
So that was just kind of the preamble to the rant. Here is the rant itself. Its been brewing for several weeks now, but after reading something that
jadedgyrl23 posted that was written by a friend of hers, it is kind of spilling over. Not that the two things are really related, but... well, in my mind there's a connection. You know, the whole Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon thing. Trust me- to me, its related. Anyway... I've met more and more "liberals" as I go through life, but I'm still encountering the same stupid things. I still feel under such pressure to be a "perfect" person. I know that my own feelings are my own problem, but when I look around and examine the evidence, I seem to come up with the same sum: If I'm around "weird" people, I feel like I'm not accepted because I'm not "weird" enough; when I'm around "beautiful" people, I'm certainly not "beautiful" enough; when I work with people through the anti-war community, as soon as someone learns I'm a Christian, they think I'm too "conservative"; I'm an extremely shy person, and when I stumble over a greeting, I'm passed off as "stupid" or "uneducated", and hey, that's the end of that conversation.
Basically, assumptions are made. Maybe I shouldn't confuse "liberal" with "open-minded", and that's my mistake. But I guess I am of the opinion that, if you are in an arena where you advocate education and knowing your facts, perhaps the odds of making assumptions should be lower.
/rant
I know this is a very self-righteous rant, and perhaps I'm misreading things. Oh yeah- and just because this is how I feel doesn't mean I'm under the impression that this is necessarily how things are. But its really how I feel. At least right now. Maybe I'll feel differently later. I'm not sure I articulated my rant as well as I'd like, so I'll probably come back and edit it later. But for now, I'm done.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-10-30 06:01 am (UTC)I just added you back. I look forward to sharing! :)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-30 07:24 am (UTC)By the way, do you mind if I promote your new community in my journal? I mean, can I just copy your description verbatim? I, myself, am not a particularly spiritual person, but I have a lot of friends that I think will be interested.
(Incidentally, speaking of not being a person of faith - I was once told by some upstart college kid that, because I'm not a Christian, I don't belong in the anti-war movement...)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-30 08:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-30 09:32 am (UTC)The older I get the more it seems to me that there is no one answer to anything... I kinda gave up on being perfect (at least consciously, my subconscience hasn't caught up yet :-), and now I just try to be a good person. Compassionate and all that.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-30 10:34 am (UTC)EXACTLY!
I really liked what you had to say the other day. What wonderful insight. :-)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-30 10:35 am (UTC)please, feel free to promote it anywhere you like.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-30 10:36 am (UTC)good point
no subject
Date: 2003-10-30 10:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-30 10:38 am (UTC)Yes :-) Exactly. And, of course, there's always the "I might be wrong" philosophy.